Money Matters

What’s the point of mental health when you have money? Why be at peace when you can have money? Why live your life when you can have money? Today I realized the harsh reality of one of the ugliest truths of all: money matters. Everything we ever do is in order to obtain money; it’s the ulterior motive that drives nearly every single decision. Why yes, we’re going to enroll our kids in the French Immersion program. They’ll become bilingual and have more job opportunities. More job opportunities mean more cash in their pockets. Sure, we can say we’re paving a brighter future for these kids, or that the ends justify the means, but how far are we willing to go for money?

Summer Rain

There’s a downpour outside my window.
I can hear the way the tears from Heaven fall graciously to the Earth,
but they are as unforgiving as the Devil himself.
It makes the world seem so quiet.
So small.
So peaceful.
Despite the way it slaps obnoxiously into the warm concrete
That creates a violent glare nearly blinding you from the oncoming traffic.
And I just hope to God that I don’t crash.
Or maybe, I hope to God that I do.

The rain can make me feel alone. It does that.
Even the way it falls together,
Never left behind
Or abandoned.
Like the way I feel when my heart plummets
Ten thousand stories, crashing into the ground,
But instead, I am alone.

Even if the rain could wash away my sins,
It would not wash away my memories.
It would not wash away the past that I struggled to over come,
And it would not wash away the strengths I gained but did not ask for.
It wouldn’t do anything…
Just like now.
It’s not actually doing anything at all.

For Those Without Sleep

If only the words in my head could lull me to sleep. Allow them to slip my conscious into a blissful darkness where pain is negligible. But the words that circle my mind do nothing of the sort. They crash into my temples with loud, clanging, ear shattering volumes of discontent. They do not lull me to sleep. They keep me awake.

Let’s Be Honest I’m Grieving

As low as my life is, I’ve never felt so down,

Like the bottom of this sinking ship, forcing me underground.

You’re just like the wreckage pulling me underneath,

Like the burdens left from promises, tangled in dirty sheets.

I won’t file any remorse for what I didn’t do,

You can blame it all on me, you say I’d do the same for you.

Left in lies and broken trust, to put the past behind me,

After all this time a victory is what I need.

So joke me something awful like when you fend for yourself,

You’ve never done anything but deflect it all on someone else.

And on to me, it is, my turn, I guess, or so it seems.

I can’t say I’m surprised, I expected it to say the least.

A time bomb set in motion after you didn’t heed my warning,

Believe me I know what’s for the best, now you’re left in mourning.

And all the bright ideas, we had made when we were young,

Seemed like yesterday, and now I’m at the end of the barrel of your gun.

My spine has been breaking, from the burden on my back,

Stop building it up more and more, with stories you say are facts.

I’m at a loss for words, from the ring around my throat,

You tied it awfully tight with the deceiving words you wrote.

I’ve got headaches, and a bad luck no one can cure.

They told me I’m unstable, but I’m right and that’s for sure.

And as crazy as they say I am, you know, perhaps you are right,

Because if I had it in me, I’d be leaving you tonight.

Yes, I can hold my own in a fight, but I’m better with a pen.

And I swear to you that my words would tear you limb from limb.

I can’t promise you anything, or that this is the end.

But I hope to god that this was worth standing up for him.

The 15 Minute Hour Glass

Time slips through our hands like the falling sand of in hourglass.
We clench our fists so tight trying to hold on to the past,
but we blink,
and suddenly
we’re left with nothing but fading
Half moon scars of memories.
Closing the doors of my past behind me make me weary to look back.
Afraid of the surge of pain I had neglected to feel all those times ago.
But as time goes on, we go with it.